Wednesday was a difficult day for The American Independent News Network, which is the larger entity that operates The Iowa Independent. Our chief executive and founder announced two of our sister sites would close and their content would be moved to The American Independent.
A recently introduced bill could have far-reaching impact on the U.S. sugar industry, including American Crystal Sugar, a farmer-owned cooperative that locked out 1,300 Midwest workers on Aug. 1.
The chairman for Herman Cain’s Iowa effort says the campaign “relied more on the word of farmers than Washington regulators” in deciding to run an ad containing claims the Environmental Protection Agency says are false.
The Iowa Senate will remain under the control of a slim 26-25 Democratic majority when it reconvenes in January 2012.
[Commentary] We Iowans are awfully thick-skinned or incredibly humble or we just flat out have a generally unassailable history. Maybe it’s all three.
When has anyone said something derogatory about Iowa that’s actually offended you?
I’ll tell you when. Never.
People from other states — or regions or nations — often are hurt to the point of seeking therapy when you mock them for their geographic identities. Missourians take the taunts to heart. Southerners and others do, too.
Next time we have someone visiting from France just remind him that if they’d all stop taking eight weeks of vacation every year, maybe we wouldn’t have to head over there and bail them out of wars. That’s sure to spark outrage. They all take themselves so seriously.
Even Nebraskans. But not Iowans. We roll with the punches.
Jessie “The Body” Ventura, Minnesota’s former Independent governor, made some comments about Des Moines once, I think.
Didn’t really stick.
In college I had a friend who — stealing a line from a movie — once said that in Iowa we’ve got nothing but “steers and queers and you ain’t got horns.”
I think he was talking about Texas or Nebraska or some other state — and I had a girlfriend at the time — so that stolen insult didn’t exactly send me across the bar at him or into a psychiatrist’s chair the next morning.
Some people from other states will from time to time call us “corn fed.”
Problem is, I like corn on the cob and I’m not in the least embarrassed to admit that I’ll eat six or eight ears of corn in 10 minutes, in season or out, particularly from the grill.
“Hey, pig farmer,” another would-be Iowa mocker might add.
Gosh, that really hurts.
We make some pretty good money raising hogs around here. What was it, Mr. Soprano, that you do in New Jersey again?
“You’ve got more hogs than people,” some will say.
Well, that’s better than having more people than jobs like some other places — or having more people than teeth as in West Virginia.
Question: “How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?”
Answer: “If it were invented anyplace else it would be called the teethbrush.”
Here’s maybe the most creative slam on Iowa. Some people in other states, learning how to work with acronyms for the first time, refer to us as, “Idiots Out Walking Around.”
OK. If we are so stupid, Mr. Mississippi, let’s take some tests, like the ACT or Basic Skills. We’ll each take 100 randomly selected kids. The contest: Iowa versus any other state (except Wisconsin because they are kind of close to us in these deals.)
Others try different tactics to get under our collective skin.
“There’s nothing to do in Iowa,” some will say.
Point given.
That’s true to a certain extent.
But we Iowans came to grips with the fact that we are boring people a long, long time ago in a place called western Illinois, before we even crossed the river.
Iowans are content with the fact that a pork-chop supper at the Methodist Church or a Knights of Columbus chili cookoff are events upon which to build a weekend.
We’re cool with that. And we are cool with the fact that we just aren’t very cool.
For the love of God, we still drive Oldsmobiles in Iowa.
We Iowans know who we are.
And we can be proud of that because we don’t harbor anything really embarrassing in our past. Nobody remembers the Mingo Bachelor Party anymore, and Terry Branstad’s moustache isn’t on the back of the state map any longer.
We don’t have a tainted past like the South (slavery, lynchings) or really dirty politics (Illinois) or burning rivers (Cleveland) or preposterously high execution rates (Texas) or pathetic literacy figures (you make the call) or crazy laws that give cats more rights than kids (California).
So go right ahead, give us your best shot, America.
Make fun of us for still eating pork tenderloins.
Take us to task for always using real-live bank tellers because, well, we just like to talk to folks.
Talk about our cold winters and wide-open roads, and the fact that all real Iowans can tell you the weather forecast for the next two weeks.
We are amused observers to this parade of patronization every four years during the Iowa caucuses.
And what happens?
We end up with a decidedly disproportionate voice in the election of the most powerful person in the world.
Strangely, Iowa’s self-esteem isn’t exactly suffering.
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